Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I will answer the question of what a single girl in a new town does to pass the time. From the Home Office in Grand Forks, North Dakota, I present to you the Top Ten Things to Do When You Live on Your Own in a New Place.
10. Take up unnecessary crafts, like magnet-making.
9. Drink coffee. Read. Fill in the crossword. Repeat.
8. Check in daily with the wise basket owl who lives on your kitchen wall. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, Mr. Owl?
7. Procrastinate updating your blog. Watch 1980s David Letterman on YouTube instead.
5. Start a 2-hour skirt pattern. Stretch it out to take several weeks.
4. Cook while listening to "Jolene".
3. Sample the cookie dough Blizzard at each of the four Dairy Queen locations. Go back to each to compare their chocolate-dipped cones.
2. Clean while listening to "Coat of Many Colors".
And the Number One Thing to Do When You Live on Your Own in a New Place--drum roll, please, Paul--
1. Throw spontaneous dance parties for yourself. Model your dance moves after this: