Dear Former United States President George Washington,
This week we, the first graders of Grand Forks, North Dakota, studied the contributions you made to our illustrious country. We celebrated your life and career through song (“Young George and the Cherry Tree” to the tune of “Yankee Doodle Dandy”), the study of the dollar bill, and myriad read-alouds. Despite our in-depth research into your life, we are still left with a few questions and comments that we feel only you, Our Founding Father, can address.
First, we are curious about why you and your associates wore wigs. Why did you consider this fashionable and not silly? Did it itch, hurt, or feel tight on your head? Did you wear it all the time or just for special occasions?
In a similar vein, we remain unconvinced that you are not in fact the man on the oatmeal box we have sitting in our cupboard at home. Are you at least brothers? Despite what our teacher told us, we do not fully believe that two white-haired rosy-cheeked men could not possibly be related.
As a matter of fact, now we are curious as to whether you are not also Santa Claus. If so, we would like new hockey sticks for Christmas.
Lastly, we now know that George Washington refers to you, a person, and Washington, D.C. is a city. What, then, is George Washington, D.C., and why does our teacher keep telling us to stop saying those three words in succession?
Thanks for your time,
The First Graders of Grand Forks, North Dakota
P.S. The boys would like you to know that they think it is AWESOME that you chopped down a cherry tree using a hatchet! If you are in fact Santa, could you include one of those with the hockey sticks, along with a note to our parents explaining that every little American boy should have the opportunity to carry a hatchet around in his pocket.
P.P.S. Yes, we do have an amazing vocabulary for seven-year-olds. Thanks for noticing!